My dad used to say that to us when things went his way. It always made me laugh. Most of the time this blog is filled with the questions in my heart but for the first time in quite a while I feel like I've got a few answers. I finally know what I'm doing after graduation and I feel really good about it. I still find myself wrestling with my faith but the past couple of weeks I've been really at peace with that. I also felt for a really long time that I was in the wilderness and that God was silent to me. While I still cant' hear his voice clearly, I have been more aware of my presence in my life lately. When I was a freshman here I used to wake up early for no reason all the time, and I never really know what that was about but one day after talking with some different people I felt like God was calling me up in the morning. That hasn't happened to me in quite a while, the feeling of waking up not tired and unable to go back to sleep without much effort. Last week that happened to me and I couldn't help but hope that means maybe my "dark night of the soul" is nearing an end. I also met a wonderful woman from New Orleans at the Hospital this week. I was having a particularly difficult "hurricane" week ( I was just thinking about it a lot for no real reason at all). She was a blessing to me in so many ways and we talked about everything there is in the world to talk about. However, I'll never forget her looking at me and saying "How can you do this (meaning my hospital chaplain job) after everything that's happened? How do you have any faith left to share?" Her question was one that even I don't know how to answer. So I talked with her a few minutes about doubt and faith and what it means when the latter seems to be dying. I told her what I tell myself everyday. Sometimes we choose to believe things we don't always understand because in the end I just can't let go of God (or maybe more accurately, he can't let go of me). We prayed before I left and then talked about lots of other things like where to get fresh shrimp and the end of crawfish season approaching. It was nothing at all really but I can't help but be certain that God had a hand in our meeting and he knew her heart and mine and that we both needed to hear a little of each other's. It just seems that lately I've finally seen God moving in my life and the lives of the people I love. My prayer for you is that he reveal himself to you as well and that if he doesn't soon that you will be blessed with patience and grace.
1 comment:
How beautiful! I hope your season of silence passes and that He is revealed to you in new ways.
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