Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Ms. Lonely?

Last night I went to see a movie (Sex and The City, which was , of course, absolutely fabulous). Not a crazy thing to do right? I mean I was bored, its the summer, I wanted to see the movie. I'm sure you can see my logic here. My parents were celebrating thier aniversary and had plans and I thought it would be a good night for me to go. My parents, however were astonished that I actually wanted to go to the movies alone. My mother said something to the effect of "that's so depressing." To which my father added "yeah, isn't there someone who you can go with." I wanted to say "no there isn't anyone I can call to come with me because you chose to stay in this hell hole of a city where I have no friends, instead of just going back home." But I didn't. I just told them i didn't mind going by myself. After I got back last night they acted like I had just found the holy grail or something. My mom even told me "Shannon, you're so brave." When did seeing a movie alone make you brave?
But I have to admit, I was fine going alone until it became obvious that this was not a socially acceptable activity. I spent the whole time before the movie started worrying that everyone was judging me for being alone. Then on the drive home from the theater I ran through the list of situations where I would feel strange or just plain awful if I was alone. The list was long- I think I might have figured out why people get married.

I've never thought of myself as someone who was afraid to be alone. I sometimes like my alone time, and go a little crazy without it. But I'm sad to admit that it wasn't the fact that I was alone that bothered me. It was what I knew everyone else thought about the fact that I was alone. Maybe I'm not as fearless as i thought, and definitely not as fearless as I'd like to be.

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