Sunday, March 1, 2009

If I could talk to my _ year- old- self...

Lately I'm am constantly being reminded of this verse from Ezekiel 36:
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. (verses 26 and 27)

Today at church we sang Had it not been the Lord who was on our side. 6 months ago (almost to the day) I had hardcore emotional breakdown when singing that song. I totally freaked out in the middle of Wednesday night church (I did the ugly cry- you know the one you don't do in public where you make that terrible face). I was heart broken and that song made me so aware of the fact that I was angry with God, and that no matter what I seemed to do to search for Him, I wasn't finding him anywhere I looked. Since then whenever we sing that song I just don't sing the second verse. I tune it out, or just wait for it to be over. That is until today. Today I sang it with a completely different attitude than I ever thought about that song with before. I kind of surprised myself. What I realized is that God gave me a new heart about it. I used to be really afraid that "It would always be like this." That I would always be filled with doubt and grief and bitterness. But that is a lie that Satan wants me to hear. The truth is that God makes all things new. He takes away the heart of stone and replaces it with one that can beat again. I am so thankful for that today.

If I could go back in time there are a lot of things I would tell myself (I was not the wisest of high school students...). But I think the point might be that we don't know whatever it is that we know now, becasue God hasn't taught us yet, but if we ask and search he will show us things we don't know. "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know" (Jeremiah 33:3).

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