Thursday, November 8, 2007

Scrapbooks and Spoon ring blues....

Some days I just want to go home. And then I am reminded that the home I really want to go to just isn't there at all. And while there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it, most of the time I can honestly say that I've learned to be content in the situation I'm in. But there are some days when I'm reminded about things and people that were swept away by water and while my life now is still a charmed one- I sometimes just want things to be the way they were. In case forget to say this later, thank God for everything you've never thought to thank him for. Any time it could be gone and before you know it a group of 20 college kids is carrying your life to the curb in wheel barrows. And for some reason there is something ovewoverwhelmingly emotional about throwing out a moldy high school year book and a tub of ruined Barbie dolls. I never really understood how blessed I was until my life was piled up on a curb, and I would give anything to have my scrapbooks from my France trip, or the bible my parents gave me when I was baptized, or the notes I got from a certain boyfriend my junior year of high school. And the more I think about it the more I grieve, and I know life is really much more than those things, but doesn't mean that I'm not a little sad- or a lot sad... I guess there were just a lot of things and people in my life I wasn't expecting to give up, but I didn't really have much choice in the matter. I guess there are some things I can’t explain like hurricanes, cancer, grief, unrequited love, and fear so strong it takes your breath away. But tonight I don’t need to know answers, I’ve spent a great deal of time looking for them and never really seem to get anywhere. I suppose for some questions there are no answers, just Grace.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

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