Wait and see

Sometimes I can't remember what my life was like before the Thing. I can't think of a single aspect of my life - as a daughter, a Christian, a friend, a sister- that is not different from the way it was before. For instance I haven't gone to the art museum since the storm. I used to go all the time, now I never do. All day long I have been trying to remember what I was like before everything changed- and I can't. I hate that. Not being able to remember makes it feel like I've been doing all this hard stuff forever, but in someways, I guess I have been. My thoughts are clouded and I am officially checked out. I have prayed all I can pray and cried all I can cry and asked all the questions I can bear for now. All that I can do now is wait and see. So thats what I've been doing today with my eyes a bit glazed over. I feel like the heartbreak is coming but right now I've worried so much I don't have the energy for it. It is what it is- and it's pretty terrible but there isn't anything I can do about it. So now I'm going to try and sleep through this nauseous feeling that I just can't get rid of.