Monday, June 1, 2009

Being still and knowing

God's peace, which can never be completely understood, will watch over your hearts and your minds because you belong to Christ Jesus.- Phllipians 4:7
If you read this at all, you probably already know that my heart seems to be constantly full of questions. And yet lately it seems that even though the questions won't stop coming, and every day all the things I was running away from seem to gain on me, I am convinced that the Lord is blessing me with some peace. For the past few weeks, even though my heart as been overflowing with all those really hard questions, I don't have that nauseous feeling in my stomach- that feeling like my heart might actually break if I say it outloud. Maybe its becasue they were a long time coming, many of them questions I have asked before and hidden away for fear that I might in fact braak my own heart. But whatever the reason, tonight I am thanking God that even though my day today was full of those really hard questions, I am at peace- certain of God's partnership with me in all things- even my doubt. That said, today my big heart doubt was this: How can I show Jesus to so many different people, many of which, don't care to see him? What I mean is, how do I show Jesus to the kids at Hollygrove? The waitress that served me lunch today? The homeless man I talked to this afternoon? My athiest friend who is unnerved by my churchiness? The ministry staff at Carrollton? A friend who is making a poor choice? My family? The checker at Walmart? It seems that just when I think I've figured out an answer, I find some flaw in my plan, and even if my plan is on the right track, the answer seems to be different for each person. Perhaps I am thinking about this in the wrong way, maybe we don't "show Jesus to others," but I'm not certain of how exactly its supposed to go... Anyways, more on this later, I am very tired and am excited about sleep, and I'm thanking God that it will be a peaceful rest at last...

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